Christmas Tat 2019

And now for a visual feast of festive tat.  A collection of the odd and the bizarre, rendered in cheap plastic (or glass if you’re lucky).

You may have noticed that certain stores sell “wacky” Christmas baubles, gloriously garish and ridiculously random.  Not the traditional seasonal balls here – we’ve wandered into distinctly abstract territory.

Whilst the groovy shops sell the strange tree trinkets for a tenner, other, less glamorous emporiums are knocking them out for a couple of quid.  And bless ’em, these cheapo ones are usually even more ugly and weird.

Which is where I come in.  As a genuine aficionado of the kitsch Christmas, I have collected some of these decorations from various sources.  They are proudly displayed on our Christmas tree, and here I present them to you for your entertainment.

Enjoy these bad taste baubles, dear reader, and be inspired by the wondrous world of tat.

In the photos below you will see:

  • A taco
  • A guitar
  • A cupcake
  • Santa with a surfboard
  • A pizza slice
  • Some beer
  • Peppers and an ice cream
  • Another taco
  • A VW Beetle
  • A crown and a strawberry
  • A VW camper van with a Christmas tree
  • A crocodile in a UFO (my personal favourite)

 

I want a tattoo of the crocodile in a UFO – spectacular.

Hopefully you’ve enjoyed that trip into the low quality and down right strange.

I would like to wish all my readers a very Merry Christmas!  Thank you for reading Platinum Al’s Virtual Hot Tub, your support is always appreciated.

Tat Trek Update #8: Jo Guest Strip Pen

It’s been far too long since we last took a peep into the collection de tat at Platinum Al’s Virtual Hot Tub.  So lets examine another fine piece from the assembled items of dubious taste and quality which I humbly possess.  And this one is a beauty, make no mistake.

ITEM: Jo Guest Strip Pen

Description: one of those ink pens that feature a picture of a woman on the side, wearing a bikini.  The clothing “disappears” when tilted so that the lady is naked

Cost: Free with copy of Men’s World magazine

Bought: location n/a

Reason for buying: n/a

When I was about twelve, a friend of mine (who was a few years older) went to the seaside and was allowed to buy one of these “tip and strip” novelty pens.  I was thoroughly shocked by this.

Years later, a similar pen came into my possession.  This is the one featured here, which features images of lovely 90’s pin up/page three girl/nudey mag legend, Joanne Guest.

Jo was a popular glamour model in the mid 1990s, and regularly appeared in top-shelf magazine Men’s World.  This pen was a cover mounted free gift with a particular issue.  Of course, I didn’t buy the magazine (or any other, similar publications) – this item was given to me as a gift, honest.

It’s quite a neat little item to own.  Guesty looks very cute on the pen, even though the image is tiny.  The tip and strip action is still working well and the pen even writes.  Owning one of these pens would be an envious item in any stationery stockpile, the fact it’s glam queen Jo Guest emblazoned in all her (naked) glory makes it even more desirable.

I’ve censored Jo’s rudey bits in the above pic, as you can tell.

For anyone who has trouble remembering the 90s, on the right is a pic of Jo from back in the day to refresh your memory:

To see more from my tat collection, go to the right hand side menu and click on “Tat”.  Scroll through for the goodies.

Disclaimer: in no way does Platinum Als Virtual Hot Tub admit to owning, viewing or buying any gentlemen’s periodical/jazz mag.

Tat Trek Update #7: Dancing King

Let me begin this blog post by stating that I am a big fan of Elvis Presley.  Despite the fact that this particular piece of paraphernalia appears in the Tat section at Platinum Al’s Virtual Hot Tub, please be under no misapprehension that this is a slight on the King of Rock’n’Roll.

So what have we this time in the collection de tat? 

ITEM: “Dancing King” Solar Powered figurine

Description: a small solar powered figure, labelled as the “Dancing King”, but we all know it’s Elvis.

Cost: £1.50 (currently retailing approx. £2.99 in Rhyl)

Bought: Connah’s Quay car boot sale

Reason for buying: It’s Elvis!

The Dancing King is a small Elvis like figurine, who shakes/dances when powered by sunlight.  It’s not exactly Elvis the Pelvis, but it is a pretty cool little wiggle.

I already had a solar powered dancing Hula Girl, who sits on my car dashboard, when I discovered this little trophy.  I bought one for a friend for a Christmas present last year, whilst in tat haven of Rhyl.  I then decided I needed one too.

Luckily, I found this fella in a car boot sale earlier this year.  He was snapped up immediately.

I decided to post this piece today, on the 40th anniversary of Elvis Presley’s death, as a tribute to the great man.  Yes, it’s fun, but no offence meant.  Elvis rules.

RIP Elvis Presley 

08.01.1935 – 16.08.1977

Tat Trek Update #6: Spice Girls Mug

Wow, what’s that saying about waiting for buses?  Yes, it’s another Tat Trek post, not too long after the last one – ‘cos you love ’em so much.  Here we go with another look at an item from my collection of kitsch.

img_20170222_184031807

Item: Spice Girls Mug

Description: your common or garden drinking mug, featuring pictures of girl power legends, the Spice Girls.

Cost: 2 for £1!

Bought: from Shotton (new tat capital?)

Reason for buying: I indulged in the two for a quid offer so I could give one to my daughter and keep one for myself.  Plus I actually think that the Spice Girls were a great pop band.

I couldn’t resist picking up these mugs, especially at the price.  The Spice Girls might seem a bit naff, hence the immediate induction into the Collection de Tat, but to be fair I thought they were pretty good.  They had some genuinely good pop songs and were a lot of fun.  On the whole much better than all that Britpop crap from the time. img_20170222_184056046

Plus the best example to illustrate how fantastic the Spice Girls were is this video.  Now tell me that’s not awesome.

And my daughter likes them, so it was smiles all round.

Despite my justifying my Spice Girls love here, the novelty value of these cheap mugs makes them another fabulous find for Tat Trek.  Hope you enjoy!

Tat Trek Update #5: Meerkat Meal Tray

Let me start this post with an apology.  The “Tat” section of the blog, where I feature items of questionable taste that I have collected, has been severely neglected of late.  The last Tat article was in May 2015, and that was the only one that year.  It’s about time I made amends for this terrible oversight.

It’s not like I’m lacking in kitsch crap to showcase, there’s plenty.  So let’s start 2017 with a fresh effort to celebrate garbage – after all, it seems that the useless and ridiculous are all the rage right now.

Item: Meerkat Meal Tray

Description: a tray which supports a plate of food, with cushioned area underneath to rest on the users lap whilst eating a TV dinner.  Featuring a delightful picture of a group of meerkats. img_20170129_181552466

Cost: approx £7

Reason for buying: this item was actually bought by Mrs Platinum Al.  But as it’s in the house, I’m claiming it as an entry for Tat Trek.

Yes, not actually an item that I bought, but never the less, part of the scenery chez Platinum Al.  Seven quid is a bit steep for tat, even for me.  And it was from Charlie’s in Shotton, rather than Rhyl.

Even so, this fantastic item features one of the great tat icons of our age: the always popular meerkat.  For that reason, if not the fact that TV dinner trays are a bit naff, this item is proudly part of our Collection de Tat.

Tat Trek Update #4: Eric Bristow Mug

In a secret underground facility near Platinum Al’s Virtual Hot Tub can be found my Museum de Tat.  Regular readers will be aware of some of the wonders to be found here.  It’s time to visit once again…

This time I have an absolute classic, which has been in my possession for a long time.

Item: Eric Bristow “The Crafty Cockney” Mug

Description: a standard mug (drinking receptacle) bearing the image of darts playing legend, and “geezer” – Eric Bristow.  Emblazoned with Eric’s nom de guerre “The Crafty Cockney” and a dartboard (not shown) on the reverse. IMG_2793

Cost: Free (it was a gift).

Reason for buying: I didn’t buy it, it was a gift.

This fantastic item actually dates back to my time as a student.  Whilst collecting household items for my first student house (way back in the 1990’s), my Granddad donated a few pieces to help out.  All students have wacky novelty mugs, usually cartoon characters and the like.  None matched the sheer randomness of my Eric Bristow mug, however.  This cup became my standard – my symbol – amongst the student kitchen chaos.

An unusual item for someone who doesn’t drink hot beverages, perhaps.  Cool mug though, thanks to my Granddad!

If you own a tacky novelty mug, feel free to let me know about it.

Christmas Tat 2014

The tree is up, the lights are on and the smell of mulled wine wafts through from the kitchen.  Yes, it’s that time of year again, the most tatty time of the year – Christmas!

No offence meant by that comment, kids – I love Christmas.  And I do take immense joy from the gaudy glitter and paraphernalia that we readily decorate our homes with.  No other time of year sees as much tacky nonsense around the house, and I think it’s great.

Here are a couple of items that have been picked up to add to our collection of Yuletide tat.

Santa

First up, a small ceramic light up Santa.  I picked this up from a local pound shop (my new favourite place!) for just £1.  Unbelievable value.  A flick of the switch underneath sets off the multi coloured lights within.  He’s a jolly little fellow and no mistake, a great little item.

xmas2

Next we have a Nativity scene, which I bought from B&M for £3.99.  Now again, I’ll reiterate that no offence is meant by this piece being in the “tat” section.  I happen to think this is a really nice festive decoration.  It was only cheap, which is reflected in the lacklustre paint job.  But if displayed well this scene looks great.

Hope you like these Crimbo decorations.  Have a great Christmas, and thanks for reading Platinum Al’s Virtual Hot Tub.

Stay tuned for more cool stuff in the New Year!