Author Archives: platinumal

Why the United Kingdom doesn’t win Eurovision

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A short opinion piece concerning the UK’s lack of success in the international song contest

The Eurovision song contest – that cacophony of the beautiful, the unusual, and the downright bizarre.  Where reactions go from “This is pleasant,” to “What just happened?  Did I really hear that?” in the space of a few minutes.  Sometimes in the same song.  It’s all in the name of entertainment, and often the strange moments are the best.

The United Kingdom has had it’s share of winners over the years, and in contrast to most people’s opinion has been very successful.  These days, however, we constantly hear the public decrying the contest and complaining about the mutual voting of  sympathetic countries.  “That’s why we don’t win anymore,” the voices say, “all those countries voting for each other.”

Other reasons commonly championed as to why the UK hasn’t been successful include “No-one in Europe likes us”; and theories about the change in rules regarding singing in the national language.

So how is it possible that the nation that gave the world The Beatles, the Rolling Stones, Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin, Bowie, the Clash (and on and on) – don’t win this contest hands down every year?

It’s because we don’t take it seriously.

I don’t mean we don’t take it seriously in a tongue-in-cheek, this is crap but what the hell post modern kind of way.  That’s fine.  Be ironic, have a laugh at the strange sounds and mangling of English phrases – that’s part of the fun.

No, by not taking it seriously I refer to the artists above.  We don’t win Eurovision because every year the rest of Europe wants to see the UK field a superstar.  A living legend like Bowie or Sir Paul, to lend their talents to the Greatest Music Competition in the World.  They want to see some of the musical geniuses that have sprung from these shores show the rest of Europe what pop music is all about.

We know that’s never going to happen.  Great fun as Eurovision is, it doesn’t have the cultural importance to tempt the like of Elton or Mick Jagger.  Not going to happen.

But just imagine if we did?  Imagine, if you will, a gleaming supergroup with Brian May on guitar, Roger Taylor on drums, Sir Paul on bass.  Elt on the old joanna, and vocals from some one like Jessie J, or Adele, or Tom Jones.  That’s what Europe want to see, and that’s what we need to win.

There was a rumour a few years ago (and I think it was just a rumour), of Morrissey being the United Kingdom’s entry for Eurovision.  Now I’m no Morrissey fan, but maybe that would do the job?  In the meantime, we have Bonnie Tyler to represent the country this year.  A woman with considerable fame and success across Europe, not to mention her undoubted talent.  Let’s see if she can do it.

Whoever wins, ignore the nay sayers and the whingers who complain because the UK doesn’t win.  Enjoy the fun and the spectacle, whoever the winner is.

Platinum Al’s Platinum Artists

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There are over 23,000 songs in my iTunes library.  Hundreds of artists across numerous genres.  But which artists have contributed the most to my music collection?  I’ve reviewed all of them and compiled a list of which artists I have the most songs by.  Some may surprise you.

The list below comprises the twenty artists with the most number of songs in my music collection at the moment.  The list grows all the time.  I should point out that this isn’t a list of my favourite artists in order, just a list of who’s music I have the most of.

All duplicate tracks (for example, a hit single appearing on an album and a Greatest Hits compilation) have been removed.  Also extended versions, remixes and so on are usually not in my library anyway – with a few exceptions.  And I generally don’t collect live albums – again with one or two exceptions – so duplicates of this type don’t generally figure in this list, unless there’s a particular reason for them to be here.  In many cases, there are more tracks to be added for these Top 20 artists.

Here they are:

Top 20 Bands with the Most Songs in my Collection

20. Clutch – 128 songs

A massive contribution from this fine Maryland band, with only one track duplicated (an alternative, acoustic version of “Motherless Child”).  This doesn’t include their great new album “Earth Rocker”, which isn’t added yet.

19. Danzig – 130 songs

The mighty Danzig makes a respectable appearance at number 19, thanks to a complete collection of studio albums and a helping hand from the “Lost Tracks of Danzig” compilation.  This figure does not include any Misfits or Samhain tracks either, as I’ve classed them in this case as separate entities.  Otherwise Glenn would be even higher up the list.

18. David Bowie – 133 songs

Spanning most of Dave’s career, but still with quite a few albums missing from my collection – so this number could increase.

17. Hawkwind – 148 songs

Admittedly, this figure does include live tracks – but then “Space Ritual” is such an integral part of the bands persona it has to be included.  Still many, many more albums to collect though.

16. The Beach Boys – 149 songs

What a band.  I’ve loved the Beach Boys for so long.  There are so many great album tracks beside the obvious hits, everyone should investigate them further.  I still have at least three albums to add here though, so a Top Ten position could be on the way in future updates.

15. AC/DC – 153 songs

All the albums, no live tracks – surprising though that there isn’t more from the mighty AC/DC.  Several of their albums also appear in my “Greatest of All Time” list, no doubt coming soon…

14. Red Hot Chili Peppers – 154 songs

One of the best bands ever.  Not just one of the best alternative bands, or one of the best funk rock (ugghh) bands – one of THE best bands ever.  I’m surprised they don’t come in higher on this list, however, given the massive amount of work they’ve produced.  Their best album? A debate for another time.  But it’s “Mother’s Milk”.  No, “BloodSugarSexMagic”.  No, “Mother’s…”, ah, we’ll see.

13. Metallica – 159 songs

Now this number does include the live album “S & M”, though as those tracks are accompanied by an orchestra (and therefore sufficiently different) I decided to include them.  Also includes their totally mental collaboration with Lou Reed – which everyone hates except me.

12. The Damned – 163 songs

Ah, The Damned.  Probably my most favourite band ever, this number includes all the albums, plus compilations of B-sides etc, from “Damned Damned Damned” to “So Who’s Paranoid”.  But remember, no duplicates – so for example “New Rose” only appears once (on the original album) – reappearances on the (many) compilations have been discounted.

11. The Rolling Stones – 165 songs

Only 165 songs?  Clearly, I have some work to do here.  There must be another 30 or so albums to get.  This includes all the greats though.  And the debate over their best songs and albums will be tackled in a future post.

And now the Top Ten…

10. Iggy Pop – 177 songs

A fantastic, under rated musician.  Not nearly well known or respected enough these days. This number includes all the Stooges albums, as I decided that to exclude them would deprive a historical view of Iggy of some important milestones.  Iggy rocks.

9. Beastie Boys – 183 songs

You’re surprised that the Beasties have recorded so much?  Don’t be.  And the quality is excellent throughout.  Includes all of their forays into different musical genres, such as the fantastic “In Sound From Way Out” album.

8. Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds – 185 songs

I still have a few albums to collect from Nick Cave.  The 185 songs includes the three disc “B-sides and Rarities” album, but no Birthday Party, Grinderman or film soundtracks.  Maybe I’ll add those to a future update.  Amazing music.

7. Queen – 191 songs

“Greatest Hits I and II” is not enough.  You need the studio albums for some of the outstanding lesser known compositions.  More on this in a later post.  No live tracks included.

6. Ramones – 199 songs

There are just a couple of bonus tracks from “End of the Century” I don’t have.  No live tracks included.  I’ve loved this band ever since my English teacher played “Go Mental” in class.

5. Alice Cooper – 204 songs

Often maligned as a cock-rock Metal caricature, many miss the impact that Alice has had on rock, punk and alternative music.  Pay this man some respect.  NOW.  Still loads of albums I don’t own, but I’m working on it.

4. The Beatles – 207 songs

I was surprised I had this many tunes by The Beatles, but what a band.  Beyond compare, and I’m happy to see them up near the top of the list.  This number doesn’t include my Mum’s original 7 inch singles, of course.

3. Motorhead – 221 songs

How many albums have Motorhead made now?  Not enough.  Recent output has been just as great as the early years.  Still got two or three albums I need to get though, unbelievably.

2. Melvins – 282 songs

I love this band.  282 songs, including collaborations with Jello Biafra and others.  Doesn’t include the new record “Everybody Loves Sausages” (yet), and still quite a few albums (not just single tracks!) I need to track down.

So which recording artist has the most songs that I own?  Who could possibly top that list?  Only one man…

1. Johnny Cash – 330 songs

That number doesn’t include the Christmas album or a new three disc set I picked up recently.  A duets album with June Carter Cash is in there, however.  And the two live albums “At Folsom Prison” and “At San Quentin” – as they’re both indispensable.  I am a huge fan of Johnny Cash, and thankfully there’s still loads of his music out there for me to discover.

Johnny Cash is my hero.

Any thoughts?  Disagree with any of the above criteria?  Leave a comment.

 

Random Bike Ride Playlist #2

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Nine and a half miles, twenty songs.

  1. Love – “Alone Again Or”
  2. Nina Simone – “Nobody Knows You When You’re Down and Out”
  3. Sugar – “Man on the Moon”
  4. Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds – “Running Scared”
  5. Ash – “Out of the Blue”
  6. The Besnard Lakes – “Albatross”
  7. Pink Floyd – “Have a Cigar”
  8. Rush – “Tom Sawyer”
  9. Jimi Hendrix Experience – “She’s So Fine”
  10. Roxy Music – “Ain’t That So”
  11. Tad – “Tool Marks”
  12. Rolling Stones – “On With the Show”
  13. The Saturdays – “Vulnerable”
  14. Steppenwolf – “None of Your Doing”
  15. Joe Walsh – “Walk Away”
  16. Curtis Mayfield – “Freddie’s Dead”
  17. Richard Cheese – “Guerilla Radio”
  18. Iggy Pop – “It’s All Shit”
  19. Led Zeppelin – “Living Loving Maid”
  20. The Donnas – “5 O’Clock in the Morning”

 

Tat Trek Update #1

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The gauntlet of the Tat Trek Challenge has been well and truly thrown.  Here’s a quick update from my friend Nicky Carr who found the monstrosity below:

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Item: Libra Star Sign Seashell
Description: A shell that looks leopard print with Libra painted on with the star sign that resembles a woman’s vagina haha.
Cost = 1 quid.
Bought at: Can’t remember name of shop but it was in Conwy and was full of pure tat such as bottled sand, kids tacky toys, magnets, key-rings, 3d bookmarks and Welsh dolls (One of the welsh dolls looked freaky wish I had bought but it was 5.99 and I couldn’t justify it. Unfortunately battery was dead so couldn’t get a pic. Bought the shell as was within the 1 quid budget and was worthy of tat trek challenge
Reason for buying: Tat trek challenge.

Have you acquired any tat lately?  If you have a piece of tat lying around your house, get a photo and description (as above) to me as soon as you can!

Tat Trek

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I love Rhyl.  Great place.  The amount of stuff I’ve collected there over the years is amazing.  CDs, DVDs, skateboards, Star Wars figures, comics, books, t-shirts – the list goes on and on.  There is, however, one thing about Rhyl that is truly beyond compare.  And that is the phenomenal amount of tat that you can find.

From traditional seaside nik naks to whatever junk is “on trend” at the time, Rhyl is the place to find it.  So back in 2010, me and my buddies Adam, Greeny and (Greeny’s son) Kurt set out on a challenge:

With a budget of just £3, buy the worst tat you can find.  Anything, the choice is yours – but make sure it’s tasteless, useless and practically worthless.  This is what we found.  Most items were a pound each.

Ricki Boy doll

IMG_0258What is this?  Some kind of fashion doll, apparently.  Whatever that is.  Nice shirt and pants combo.  This was found in one of the many glorious pound shop type places.

Little Wizard

IMG_0262Quite often you will find pirate versions of popular toys, cashing in on whatever is popular.  Here we have an example of a Harry Potter cash-in, with a ginger Potter-a-like “lovingly” executed in plastic.

Meerkat mug

IMG_0265See what I mean about cashing in on popularity?  Ages before that financial comparison site figured out it could shift tons of units by flogging meerkats thanks to the popularity of its adverts, Rhyl was already churning out meerkat themed memorabilia of a thousand different varieties.  Here we have a meerkat mug, though we could’ve chosen meerkat figurines, dolls, badges, garden ornaments, pencil tops and any number of other items.  I also love that this says “I love meerkat” and not “meerkats”.  Is that a reference to the advert characters accent or just bad grammar?  You decide.

Poodle Tax Disc holder

Indeed.IMG_0270

Rhyl fridge magnet

IMG_0275I actually like this.  I honestly do love Rhyl.  An ideal souvenir of a trip to the seaside.

Doll 

IMG_0260A mini ornamental doll.  Again, just a pound.  Apologies to any of my relatives who get this stuff from me for Christmas.

Light-up Crucifix

IMG_0268Pseudo religious stuff is a constant seller in the seaside tat shop.  This is a plastic cross that lights up.  Quite pretty actually.  I also have a Jesus fridge magnet somewhere.

…And the winner is:

“Funny Clowns” doll

IMG_0276This monstrosity was found in the back of an old shop, covered in dust.  Probably been there since 1985.  It’s frightening whether you have a fear of clowns or not.  The price?  Just £1.  We decided that this was the worst piece of tat found on the day.  Let me know if you agree.

It’s been too long since we did our Tat Trek.  Hopefully a return mission will be on the cards very soon.  Either way, I’m sure I’ll be back bargain hunting in Rhyl before long.

Hope you like these items.  There are loads more and I’ll post them in later blogs.  Please leave a comment if you like.  And I apologise if you have nightmares.

Questions #1: Roast Dinner Ingredients

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Occasionally, in work, we have Questions.  A question will be posed by one member of the group, the rest of the group take their turn to provide an answer.  This often encourages  stimulating conversation as each individual’s opinion is thrown into the mix, enlightening their colleagues and giving an insight into their mind.  It also distracts people from fiddling about with their phones for five minutes and enables some social interaction.

I won’t pretend that we debate the deepest philosophical topics, but asking a question does give some food for thought.  In this case, literally.  Here’s a question from this week:

Q: What would be your ideal five ingredients for a roast dinner?

You can pick five items, no more.

Now I hate roast dinners with a passion.  A roast dinner (or Sunday Roast, if you will) is bland, boring food for a dull, miserable rainy day.  Tasteless and uninspiring.  Why bother when you could have Mexican, Indian, or Thai food?  There’s just no need in the 21st Century to eat this stuff.

I will return to how much I detest roast dinners in another post.  For now though, I entered into the spirit of things and gave my answer.  It wasn’t easy.  Here are the items picked by my friends for their ideal, yet limited, roast dinner.

Wolfie

  1. Lamb
  2. Roast potatoes
  3. Minted gravy
  4. Carrots
  5. Cauliflower cheese

Ben

  1. Beef (with fat on it – WTF?)
  2. Roast potatoes
  3. Green runner beans
  4. Yorkshire pudding
  5. Gravy

Mark D

  1. Parsnips crisps
  2. Pigs in blankets
  3. Stilton stuffing
  4. Belly pork
  5. Extra crackling

Brian (Veggie – this is getting worse…)

  1. Yorkshire pudding
  2. Roast potatoes
  3. Stuffing
  4. Honey glazed carrots
  5. Nut roast

Terry

  1. Lamb
  2. Roast potatoes
  3. Carrots
  4. Cauliflower
  5. Gravy

Jayne

  1. Yorkshire pudding
  2. Gravy
  3. Roast potatoes
  4. Gammon
  5. Chicken

Woody

  1. Lamb
  2. Yorkshire pudding
  3. Sprouts
  4. Cheese cauliflower (?!)
  5. Gravy

Ashley

  1. Lamb
  2. Yorkshire pudding
  3. Roast potatoes
  4. Pigs in blankets
  5. Gravy

Me

  1. Chicken
  2. Lamb
  3. Stuffing
  4. Sausage
  5. Gravy

I ignored the vegetable options.  They’re the worst bit.

It’s Sunday today.  If you’re having roast dinner, I hope you enjoy it.  Me, I’m off for a nice curry.

What five items would you pick?  Leave a comment below!

Random Bike Ride Playlist

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First bike ride of the year this afternoon.  Just a short one to check the gear still works.  Whilst out on my bicycle, I hit shuffle on the ipod and this is what I got:

  1. Red Hot Chili Peppers – “Police Station”
  2. The Damned – “She”
  3. Deep Purple – “Hey Joe”
  4. Johnny Cash – “Send a Picture of Mother”
  5. Zombina & the Skeletones – “The Fragile Heart”
  6. Tommy James & the Shondells – “I Think We’re Alone Now”
  7. UK Subs – “Teenage”
  8. Nashville Pussy – “Nutbush City Limits”
  9. DJ Format – “2,3.. scrape”
  10. Iggy Pop – “Starry Night”
  11. The Cult – “Tiger in the Sun”
  12. Flogging Molly – “The Rare Ould Times”
  13. Nirvana – “Been a Son”

With apologies to Matt Barnes – ripping you off a bit here, but I did warn you.

Bike riding t-shirt option for today – Motorhead

Surf Rider

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Surf Rider cocktail

Surf Rider cocktail

We’re back at Platinum Al’s Virtual Hot Tub, following a short break due to technical problems.  And it’s time for another cocktail recipe straight from the Virtual Tiki Bar.  This is one I discovered recently and has become a firm favourite.

Surf Rider

  • 3 measures vodka
  • 1 measure vermouth 
  • Lemon juice 
  • Orange juice
  • Grenadine 
  • Ice

Start with four or five ice cubes in your cocktail shaker.  Add the vodka, then add a liberal dash of lemon juice.  Pour in your grenadine – the recipe recommends 1/2 teaspoon but I would go for more.  Be a devil.  Then top off with fresh orange juice and shake.

The result is a refreshing summer drink, not too dissimilar to a Love on the Rocks, but not as sickly sweet.

Soundtrack: The Ventures, the Beach Boys

Drink responsibly.

Back to Work Blues

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Enjoying the Bank Holiday?  Sorry to mention it, but for most of us it’s back to work tomorrow.  Now I don’t have any optimistic advice, any philosophical thoughts to get you through this.  No “without the work, the rest wouldn’t be the same” message.  Not even an inspiring “get out there and be the best you can be” cliche.

But I can offer you a playlist that will help you get through it all.  Music that sticks two fingers up at working life and slides back under the duvet.  Enjoy these prime tunes and be free!

  1. “The Job That Ate My Brain” – The Ramones
  2. “Take This Job and Shove it” – Dead Kennedys
  3. “We’ve Gotta Get Out of This Place” – The Animals
  4. “9 to 5” – Dolly Parton
  5. “Workin‘ For A Livin‘ (Live)” – Huey Lewis and the News
  6. “Working for the Yankee Dollar” – The Skids
  7. “Work Song” – Tito Puente
  8. “Working for the Man” – Roy Orbison
  9. “Worker Bee” – D.R.I.
  10. “Workin‘ Man Blues” – Merle Haggard
  11. “At My Job” – Dead Kennedys
  12. “It’s Not My Place (In the 9 to 5 World)” – The Ramones
  13. “Finest Worksong” – R.E.M.
  14. “The Weekend” – Michael Gray
  15. “Work” – The Saturdays
  16. “Powertrip” – Monster Magnet

The final song, by the mighty Monster Magnet, features the classic line “I’m never gonna work another day in my life”.  If only.

My thanks to Nicky Carr for the inspiration for this post!

Bloody Mary Morning

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Hey there!

Here at Platinum Al’s Virtual Hot Tub, soaking in the tub isn’t the only thing we offer.  There’s also our Virtual Tiki Bar, offering drinks of all descriptions to get the party started.  Here’s a recipe for one of our favourites.

Bloody Mary

  • 2 measures vodka
  • Tabasco sauce
  • Worcestershire sauce
  • Lemon juice
  • Salt
  • Pepper
  • Thick tomato juice
  • Ice cubes

Ideal as an aperitif, the Bloody Mary is an all time classic – and Platinum Al likes ’em spicy.

Start by throwing some ice cubes into your cocktail mixer, and then add lemon juice.  To make this spicy (recommended), add your Tabasco sauce and Worcestershire sauce liberally.  Add salt and pepper – not any kind of specialised cocktail condiments, use the stuff from your kitchen cabinet.  And don’t be shy.  Then it’s vodka time.  Finally top off with as much tomato juice as you can fit in the shaker.

Now you need to give the mixture a good shake.  Pour out into a tall glass, serve with a straw and mixing stick.  An olive will make a nice addition.

Feel free to experiment to your taste (note the lack of recommended amounts for most of the above ingredients).  But again, please note that I recommend this drink nice and spicy.  It’s ideal to start the night off, but I wouldn’t be trying to down Bloody Marys after a full meal.

Be careful out there.

Soundtrack: “Bloody Mary Morning” by Supersuckers