August 2024 saw our family venture on a different kind of summer holiday – for us, at least – with a trip to Disneyland Paris. Both Mrs Platinum Al and Daughtertron are huge fans of all things Disney and theme parks as well. Myself, I like a bit of Disney – Jungle Book and a few others are great – though I can never forgive the Mouse for the vile dollop of vomit that were the Star Wars sequels.

Also, theme parks are not my thing. I find them boring. Roller-coasters may be fun when you’re riding them for a minute, but that enjoyment is hugely counteracted by waiting in a queue for three quarters of an hour. I just don’t get it. Alton Towers is my idea of hell. I’d much sooner go to Rhyl – there’s shops in Rhyl and you can buy vinyl, action figures, comic books – all manner of treasures.

And if I want to ride something really dangerous that can scare the life out of me, I’ll stick to my skateboard.

While my preferred break would have been chilling by the pool in Greece with a good book and a beer, I was prepared to rise to the challenge and try my best to enjoy this new experience.

And truth be told, it was a lot of fun. There was a lot of walking between rides and waiting to go on rides, but being in Disney is still exciting. The landscape is full of amazing delights and it’s very easy to get caught up in the childlike wonder of it all. Seeing that huge pink castle in real life is quite astounding. Disneyland is full of sights that make your eyes pop, as you recognise elements from your entire childhood realised in glorious, reach-out-and-touch-it-to-see-if-it’s-really-there, 3D realness.

For example: we witnessed the parade, where huge floats with Disney characters roll on by. The first float was the main Disney characters, Mickey and Minnie, Donald Duck, all those guys. Fun to see. But even I lost my cool and shouted aloud “It’s Woody and Buzz!” when the Toy Story display came by.

Some of the rides were good entertainment (despite the queueing). Big Thunder Mountain and the Indiana Jones roller coasters were thrilling, and I also liked the Phantom Manor for spooky haunted house chills. It’s a Small World is unmissable cheese, though very dated and surely on the cancel list. I liked it, even though Wales doesn’t exist according to Disney.

The Ratatouille ride wasn’t that great and not worth the wait. And there was some toy soldier parachute thing where you get flung into the air that was a bit boring. Nice view though.

My absolute favourite thing to do though was the Star Wars ride, Star Tours. I’ve wanted to go on that ever since the American parks launched them in the late 80s. The ride is actually just a viewscreen showing a filmed adventure in the Star Wars galaxy, in a pretend space craft that rattles and shakes so it feels like you’re flying. Not the most sophisticated ride, but utterly engrossing and immersive for me. I could’ve stayed on it all day.

Plus: the Star Tours shops sold Droid Factory action figures! You could build your own R2 unit from different coloured parts to create a unique astro droid. I made two! I was ecstatic, this was a dream come true. Finally I was able to enjoy one of my favourite activities, buying action figures!

We stayed in Hotel Cheyenne, a Wild West themed area that was updated with a Woody from Toy Story vibe. It was a pretty cool looking environment, and our room was simple but clean and comfortable. I’ll also shout out that the staff at the hotel (and the whole resort) were exceptional. And the food (we booked a deal to cover us for breakfast and evening meal), whilst not super high quality, offered a buffet with a wide variety that was very welcome and enjoyable.

My only real complaints were the lack of costumed characters that I expected to see milling about. We only saw Captain Hook and Peter Pan hanging around for photos with guests. Plenty of Disney Princesses but they didn’t seem to stop and engage with anyone. I wanted to meet Chewbacca, damn it!

Oh, and there was a distinct lack of Jungle Book characters or action of any kind. I think King Louie was bunged on the Lion King float in the parade with Simba and those other losers. Not good enough.

On the whole though, the three of us had a memorable time. We did loads (no space here to list everything), had fun and it was a good adventure. There was a lot of walking though. And standing in queues. I did over 25,000 steps one day, my feet were killing me. So be warned.

Visiting Disneyland Paris was indeed a magical experience. But it’s a once in a lifetime experience for me. Next time, I’m going to Greece.