Endoscopy Playlist

Last year was a nightmare. The worst part for me, beyond the pandemic, was my Farmer Giles playing up. I was in absolute agony, for months. The previously pleasant experience of seeing a friend to the coast became torture.

Over the years I’ve had several tattoos; fallen off a ramp whilst skateboarding and landed forehead first; fallen through a neighbours loft, shredding my foot in the process – plus many more ridiculous episodes of pain. None of them have ever hurt like the Emma Freuds giving you trouble, I can tell you. God bless all the mothers out there, because I have no doubt child birth is worse than a cat-arse-trophy like mine and I respect you all the more for going through with it.

After several weeks and months of treatment and examination by wonderful NHS staff, my ailment had been diagnosed as an anal fissure and I was mostly cured. I still pray every night that I have beaten this terrible affliction.

Part of the healing process was a visit to hospital for an endoscopy examination, i.e: a camera up the bum. The problem was determined, and thus, this was purely a precautionary measure.

My examination was held at the Nuffield hospital in Chester, who were helping the local NHS heroes in a dire time. I was somewhat apprehensive, but was very well looked after by the nurses and doctors there. I had fasted for hours. Then, I had to wait in a rather grand, clean white room, wearing my surgical gown.

Whilst waiting for the exam, I was entertained by music playing around the hospital ward. It was a mixture of classic pop, rock and disco, mostly from the Seventies, and I enjoyed every second. Tapping my fingers and singing along, I was relaxed and optimistic for the procedure. I was so happy, I made a mental note of as many songs as I could remember and created this playlist.

Here is the playlist, which I recommend to lighten your spirits in adverse moments!

  • ABBA – “Take a Chance on Me”
  • Rainbow – “Since You’ve Been Gone”
  • Toto – “Hold the Line”
  • Blondie – “One Way or Another”
  • Buggles – “Video Killed the Radio Star”
  • Rod Stewart – “Do Ya Think I’m Sexy”
  • Yvonne Elliman – “If I Can’t Have You”
  • Bee Gees – “Jive Talkin'”
  • Stevie Wonder – “Superstition”
  • Wild Cherry – “Play That Funky Music”
  • Boston – “More Than a Feeling”
  • Kiss – “I Was Made for Loving You”
  • T-Rex – “Get It On”
  • The O’Jays – “Love Train”
  • Hues Corporation – “Rock the Boat”
  • Genesis – “Follow You, Follow Me”
  • Boney M – “Daddy Cool”
  • The Nolans – “I’m in the Mood for Dancing”

Those are all the songs I could remember (the gas they gave me may have blurred some of my memory). But what a great selection of songs! I’ll bet anyone would feel ecstatic with tunes like those to cheer you up.

One thing that made me laugh, was waiting for the doctor to visit me with a camera to go up the nether eye whilst “Do Ya Think I’m Sexy” was blaring out. That song was so inappropriate I couldn’t help but chortle.

This blog was brought to you in association with the Viz Profanisaurus, a modern work of literary genius.

Singles Night at the Virtual Hot Tub #19

Hit singles! All time classic songs! Novelty throw-away rubbish! From the cool to the crap, it’s all to be found at Platinum Al’s Virtual Hot Tub on a Singles Night.

You see, what I do is, listen to a pile of old 7 inch singles that have been languishing in my “not played yet” pile. They could have come from anywhere: genuine gems that I’ve tracked down; record fair lucky finds; or – more likely – junk I find in charity shops.

Pour yourself a drink and check this list out. Do you own any of these on vinyl? What are your favourites? What should be consigned to a fiery pit and melted down?

  1. Kim Wilde – “You Came” / “Stone”
  2. Louis Armstrong – “All the Time in the World” / “Pretty Little MIssy”
  3. The Hollies – “The Air That I Breathe” / “No More Riders”
  4. Duran Duran – “The Wild Boys” / “(I’m Looking for) Cracks in the Pavement (1984)”
  5. Bananarama – “Robert De Niro’s Waiting” / “Push!”
  6. The Beach Boys – “Good Vibrations” / “Heroes and Villains”
  7. Justin Hayward – “Forever Autumn” / “The Fighting Machine”
  8. The Buggles – “Video Killed the Radio Star” / “Kid Dynamo”
  9. ABBA – “Angeleyes” / “Voulez-Vous”
  10. The Creatures – “Miss the Girl” / “Hot Springs in the Snow”
  11. Blondie – “Rapture” / “Walk Like Me”
  12. Bobby Patrick Band – “Dallas Theme” / “The Waltons Theme”
  13. The Beatles – “The Ballad of John and Yoko” / “Old Brown Shoe”
  14. Goombay Dance Band – “Seven Tears” / “Mama Coco”
  15. Lionel Richie – “All Night Long (All Night)” / “Wandering Stranger”
  16. Donna Summer – “Dim All the Lights” / “There Will Always Be a You”
  17. Jermaine Stewart – “We Don’t Have to…” / “Brilliance”
  18. Allan Sherman – “Mexican Hat Dance” / “Won’t You Come Home Disraeli?”
  19. Earth, Wind and Fire – “Let’s Groove” / “Let’s Groove (Instrumental)”
  20. Pointer Sisters – “I’m so Excited” / “What a Surprise”

Some classics indeed. Another great night of a couple of small drinkies and spinning wax: I recommend it to anyone.