Tag Archives: slasher

Halloween Horror Fest: Blood and Honey

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Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey (2023)

Yes, I couldn’t resist! Lured in by the novelty value of a Winnie the Pooh themed horror movie, I decided to give this bizarre mutation a viewing. The rights for Pooh Bear and his friends form the Hundred Acre Wood entered into the public domain in the USA recently, and these enterprising (or “deranged”) film-making fiends decided to revamp things a bit. Quite a bit, actually.

Having been abandoned by Christopher Robin when he grows up and leaves the wood, the remaining cuddly chums degenerate into psychopathic killers. The now adult Christopher Robin, with his fiancée, returns to the site of his youthful adventures and soon comes a cropper when he encounters the now feral Pooh and Piglet.

Things get worse when a group of female students, whilst renting a holiday cabin in the woods, also meet the murderous Pooh and Piglet – and the inevitable carnage ensues.

And that’s all you need to know, if you needed to know anything at all. One by one the characters are slaughtered as per the expected slasher movie routine – with plenty of gore, screaming and running about. To be fair, there are a few plot twists and some novel killing methods, and the lighting and colours look great on screen.

But the obvious fact that Pooh and Piglet are just blokes in masks makes the film look like a cheap Texas Chainsaw Massacre knock off. Despite an original and crazy concept, we’ve seen it all before. One to watch purely for the novelty value, Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey comes to a sticky end.

5/10

The Halloween Horror Fest Commands

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It’s time for some more mini horror movie reviews, as the spooky month of October demands. Settle down, kids!

Scream 2 (1997)

We’ve covered the first Scream film a while back (2016, hot tub fans!) and eventually I’ve got round to watching the sequel. Unlike Scream, which I had seen before my Halloween Horror Fest review, I’d never bothered to watch Scream 2 till now.

Slasher movies ain’t really my bag, as I know I’ve mentioned before. Nor are “modern” films (OK, this is 25 years old, whatevs) or films about teenage Americans. Never the less, I’d enjoyed Scream and the second instalment has been on my watch list for a while.

Here the survivor from the first movie, Sidney (Neve Campbell) is now attending college when a spate of copy cat killings, inspired by the deeds of Ghostface in the previous film, start to occur. There follows a series of nasty murders and numerous twists and turns as the killer stalks and slays various characters. All the time, the audience is trying to guess the identity of the new Ghostface.

There’s nothing supernatural here, but there are plenty of jumps and surprises. Like the first film, this sequel attempts to play with the audiences expectations with numerous well observed references to other movies. Also like the first film, I found Scream 2 far more entertaining than I expected.

7.5/10

Renfield (2023)

Bang up to date now, with this 2023 movie starring Nicholas Hoult as the titular character, the familiar of Dracula. Yes, THE Dracula, played here with demonic glee by the one and only Nicholas Cage.

Here the trusted and sort-of immortal Renfield, the Count’s trusted servant, becomes dissatisfied with his lot – what with all the seeking victims and removing the gory evidence his life entails. Renfield joins a counselling group for people in abusive relationships, initially to stalk the abusers for Dracula’s prey. Eventually, the familiar decides to remove himself from his toxic existence, but not without resistance from his former master.

I was looking forward to seeing this movie, but sadly missed it in the cinema. The short time it ran in cinemas should have given me a clue as to whether it was any good…

What could have been a fresh look at the horror of the Dracula legend instead morphs into an action comedy, with guns and explosions and over the top fight scenes. It’s still an entertaining movie, but not what I hoped for at all. I hate dumb action movies and Renfield steers far too close to those waters.

Having said that, Cage is brilliant as the Lord of the Undead and I’d love to see more of him in this role.

Watchable but throwaway, which is a shame. Next.

6/10

Torso – Album Review

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TORSO – A Crash Course in Terror

APF Records

Release date: 27/01/2023

Running time: 30 minutes

Review by: Alun Jones

9.5/10

BLEEAUURRRGH!!!  It’s a jump scare to wake anyone out of hibernation, running for safety behind the sofa.  What a way to start the year!  APF records present “A Crash Course in Terror”, the debut album from TORSO.  Formed from the smouldering corpse of Possessor by that band’s Graham Bywater (frontman/guitarist), TORSO skulk in a murky Grindhouse nightmare.

Are you sitting comfortably?  Then we’ll begin.  ‘Heads Start to Roll’ introduces the album with a John Carpenter-esque, menacing, keyboard-led theme which immediately unsettles the listener.  Then the chainsaw guitars cut through, the song erupts, and the listener is dragged along by the scalp in a ferociously paced fairground ride from hell. 

The retro, electro keyboard themes dotted throughout help to set this album apart in its own fuzzy VHS world.  Spooky instrumentals like ‘Pranks’, ‘Depth Charge’ and ‘Death TV’ add a dread atmosphere, part prog and part video nasty soundtrack.

‘Sinking Spell’ is like The Melvins rocking out to a Texas Chainsaw Massacre back projection.  The lo-fi, raw sound of the heavier numbers keeps everything within the TORSO world: ‘Precious Blood’ could be a punked up hybrid of Angel Witch and Electric Wizard.  Finally, the epic ‘Circuit Breaker Breaker’ has a B-movie, doom metal fury that sounds as if the final survivor is running for their life from a vicious psycho killer.

My only complaint with this album is that at just 30 minutes, it’s a little short – I’d have loved another 5 minutes of mayhem.  But at least “A Crash Course in Terror” is to the point.  That’s much preferable to yet another 80 minute Metallica album – I haven’t finished listening to all the songs on their last record yet…

“A Crash Course in Terror” by TORSO.  A fantastic, gruesome recording and a perfect start to the year.  Can 2023 get any better?

Check out Torso on Instagram, Spotify and YouTube.

APF record scan be found on Facebook, Bandcamp, Twitter and their own website.

This review brought to you by the combined might of Platinum Al and Ever Metal.

Halloween Horror Fest 2022

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Greetings, friends! Welcome to my abode. Don’t be afraid, open the door wide and step inside. It’s cold outside, the rain is lashing down and the wind is howling – come sit by my fire and warm your chilled bones. Pour a drink and relax. I have many stories to tell you this Halloween. Listen closely…

Here we go again with Platinum Al’s traditional Halloween Horror Fest, where I’ll be watching spooky movies and sharing my fetid thoughts on my viewing. I’m sure you’ll enjoy it. Here are the first of this year’s celluloid nightmares…

Driller Killer (1979)

Starting off, something different from my usual preferences – an infamous “video nasty”. Here we meet Reno, a troubled artist, struggling to create a masterpiece whilst living in poverty. As the stresses pile up in his everyday life, he resorts to viciously murdering local vagrants as his mental health suffers.

I’m no fan of “slasher” movies, and didn’t expect much from this film – other than being able to tick it off the list. It’s low budget and dated, but rather than a predictable slasher fest, the movie takes it’s time to develop the main character and examine his descent into murderous madness. This slow burn at least demonstrates the film makers grander ambitions, though on the other hand it does slow the movie down.

A surprising approach then, but this art house wannabe doesn’t really achieve much more. “Driller Killer” is worth a watch to – well, yeah – tick it off the list.

5/10

Nosferatu: A Symphony of Horror (1922)

One hundred undead years old this year, FW Murnau’s Dracula “homage” should need no introduction. Certainly, the appearance of Count Orlok – this film’s Drac substitute – has been magnificently influential, not to mention the many other magical innovations on screen.

The plot is almost directly cloned from Stoker’s novel (indeed my copy even uses the original character names) – a problem which led to the writer’s heirs suing over the unauthorised adaptation. As a result, all copies were to be destroyed. Thankfully, not all prints were extinguished.

Here, our Jonathon Harker (or Hutter) travels to meet Count Orlok (Dracula, obvs) in order to procure property for the nobleman. Orlok is of course a vampire, and after sidestepping Harker/Hutter, travels back to the hero’s home town via a pleasant cruise on a ship called the Demeter.

You don’t really need to know any more. Put it this way, if you’ve never seen this film – you need to watch it. Yes, it’s a silent movie and obviously that dates the picture considerably, but there’s still so much to enjoy. Cinematic vampire lore is being built before our eyes, as well as the language of cinema being explored and developed. These experiments don’t always work, but it’s always fascinating.

Max Schreck as Orlok is still one of the creepiest sights in movies, ever. The rat-like visage, the menacing shadow climbing the stairs – still truly ghastly, all these years later. I doubt this vampire will ever die.

10/10

A Halloween Horror Fest on Elm Street

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A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)

Now here’s a film that should need no introduction. Though to be honest, back in the 80s when A Nightmare on Elm Street – and it’s sequels – were hugely popular, I was never a fan. I’ve just never been really into “Slasher” movies – I was investigating the classic Gothic horror of Hammer and Universal at the time, and modern, contemporary films just didn’t grab me.

Never the less, I decided to give Wes Craven’s original another go, just in case I was missing something.

Brief recap: a bunch of kids on Elm Street suffer from terrifying dreams, featuring a crispy faced dude wearing a mask and possessing a gardening glove customised with lethal blades. Yes, it’s evil child murderer Freddy Krueger (Robert Englund), and he intends not only to provide the kids with some unforgettable nightmares, he also wants to bloodily murderise them.

Revisiting this film was actually a lot of fun, I was surprised how well A Nightmare on Elm Street stood up. Yes, it’s incredibly dated, and ridden with clichés, but hey – these were new, original ideas back in the day. It’s not Gothic horror, but the supernatural elements are well plotted and help create the Krueger mythos.

Englund is great, though he’s more restrained in this first instalment. It’s always great to see John Saxon, who plays a cop here; and there’s an interesting debut from a fresh faced Johnny Depp, playing teenager Glen (who was probably about 40 at the time of filming).

Yes, I have been proven wrong – A Nightmare on Elm Street is actually a pretty damn good movie, with a mix of scares, peril and gore that shows Craven knows what he’s doing. Not the best film eve made, but I’m beginning to see how the cult of Freddy became so formidable. I’ll definitely check out the sequels.

8/10

The Indestructible Man (1956)

Convicted criminal “Butcher” Benton (Lon Chaney Jr.) is going to the electric chair, and he refuses to tell his bank robbing colleagues where the loot is. After being executed, Benton is brought back to life in an experiment. He then commences to seek revenge on his former partners, and the police are left to put the clues together and stop the gruesome murders.

A strange mix of the Frankenstein tale and 1950s cop show, this movie hardly feels like horror, but does have an impressive body count. Chaney has few lines – he’s mute for some reason, when resurrected – and we usually see his intense emotion only in wacky, extreme close up.

No points for originality here, but the film benefits from scenes representing the streets, bars and Burlesque clubs of old Los Angeles. As a period piece, The Indestructible Man is fun – it’s typical drive-in B-movie fare. Ironic that a couple of key scenes actually take place in a drive-in theatre!

6/10

Big Tits Halloween Horror Fest

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Big Tits Zombie (2010)

Yes, you read that title right.  Big Tits Zombie is trashy Japanese cinema, which I couldn’t resist picking up after reading about it in Bizarre magazine.  Hey, it only cost me £3!

Basically, this is the same strippers and zombies scenario as we’ve seen in Jenna Jameson’s Zombie Strippers, the only difference being this version features cute Japanese girls (rather than sexy American girls).  As per previous, the dancers inadvertently raise the dead and then have to survive the ensuing zombie apocalypse. btz

There’s actually a lot less smut on display than the title would suggest.  Instead we get some fairly amusing scenes of the girls trying to endure their boring day job, plus the addition of some martial arts when it’s zombie killing time.

Sadly, the special effects are lame CGI and the undead themselves are the least convincing zombies I’ve ever seen.  A shame – with better attention to detail this could have been a half decent horror spoof.

Don’t let the title put you off, Big Tits Zombie is very tame in the flesh revealing department, and actually features some mind boggling pop culture.  Worth a go if you have any interest in films that are just plain odd!

6/10

Scream (1996)

As I’ve stated previously, I’ve never been much of a slasher film fan.  I saw Scream nearly twenty years ago, not long after the film came out, and found it only mildly entertaining.  So I was pleasantly surprised to find that I really enjoyed it second time around. scream

The story centres around a group of high school teenagers, who are terrorised via phone (that’s a landline, kids!) and killed off.  Which sounds very unoriginal, right?  Well the clever thing is that Scream doesn’t try to be completely original, rather the film is happy to exploit the audiences expectations and play with them, tongue slotted into cheek.

All very post modern and self referential, but at the end of the day the film stands or falls on it’s ability to scare – which it manages to do very well.  The tension builds, characters face jeopardy and the audience is kept on the edge of its seat.

Scream succeeds in avoiding self parody and provides loads of thrills.  There are enough nods to it’s predecessors to keep the slasher fans smirking knowingly.  Good performances and quick dialogue made me glad I gave Scream another chance.

8/10

Halloween Horror Fest the 13th

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Blacula (1972)

Blacula updates the legend of Dracula, placing it’s protagonist in early 70’s California.  African Prince Mamuwalde (William Marshall) is visiting said Lord of the Undead, who curses him to become a vampire, known as Blacula.  After being entombed for a couple of hundred years, Mamuwalde is revived when his coffin is transported and opened in modern day USA. blacula

It’s a fun film, transposing many of the myths we’re familiar with from Hammer movies into a different setting.  As in other versions of the tale, Blacula is transfixed by Tina, who he sees as the reincarnation of his lost love.  Tina, played by the beautiful Vonetta McGee (dead ringer for Beyonce) falls for his deadly charms; whilst her friends attempt to stop the plague of vampirism from spreading.

Whilst undeniably dated, and wallowing in numerous stereotypes that are somewhat non-pc by today’s standards, Blacula offers some great entertainment.  There are a few scares, some incredibly groovy costumes and settings, and a cool funky score.  It’s a novelty rather  than an original, though transposing the Dracula story into the realm of Blaxploitation works a treat.

Recommended, especially for fans of Dracula AD 1972 and Dark Shadows.

7/10

Friday the 13th (1980)

We’re off to the realms of slasher movies next, for one of the all time classics of the genre.  I first saw this film when I was 17.  I’ve not been much of a fan of slasher flicks since. fr13

Friday the 13th knowingly raids all the cliches from the cupboard and displays them proudly on the wall.  Set at Crystal Lake summer camp, the young counsellors fit the required formula and are gruesomely picked off one by one in the classic manner.

And yet it works very well, with some genuinely well done gore (Tom Savini, take a bow) and real shocks that convince even after all these years.  This might not have been the first slasher flick,but it follows the Halloween blueprint faithfully and delivers with surprises and tension.

I’m still not a massive slasher movie fan, but this original Friday the 13th is well worth investigating.

7/10

Attack of Hallowe’en Horror Fest

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Halloween (1978)

This film is perfect for Hallowe’en Horror Fest!  I can’t believe I’ve not reviewed it already.  Here we have the original Halloween from Director John Carpenter, and by golly it’s a beauty.

Michael Myers has been locked up in an institution since the Hallowe’en night when, as young boy, he murdered his sister.  Now Michael has escaped, and returned to his home town to wreak bloody murder on the local teens.  Dr Loomis (Donald Pleasence)  is in pursuit of the deranged killer, but will he be able to stop Myers before Laurie Strode (Jamie Lee Curtis) is his next victim? Halloween_cover

I’m not really a fan of slasher films, but here we have a film that bucks the trend.  Halloween is tense as hell – Carpenter manages to startle the audience time and again.  The viewer is constantly on edge waiting for the next shock.  This film created many of the cliches we are now familiar with in the slasher genre – so it’s to the credit of the Director that the frights still work.  The leads deliver believable performances, too – making this a classic standing head and shoulders over the imitators.

Carpenter also provides the spooky soundtrack, music which can give you a chill even without the visuals!

Recommended.

10/10