Berlin Wall: A Piece of History?

Tat or treasure? That’s what we’re investigating in this edition of the Tat section, here at Platinum Al’s Virtual Hot Tub. We have an item that could be a genuine piece of history, or it could just be pure junk.

The item in question is a piece of the Berlin Wall. Or at least, it claims to be.

Sometime in October 1990, I was on a school trip to Berlin. The wall separating East and West Germany had come down the year before, a momentous event that heralded the end of the Cold War and huge changes in Europe. Studying the Rise of Fascism in Europe as part of my History A Level, a trip to the once and future German capital was an appropriate field trip.

Most of that visit involved my friends and I drinking lots of German beer rather than any serious historical study, but whatever.

Of course, on trips like these, it was customary to take souvenirs home. And what better souvenir than an actual piece of the Berlin wall? At a stall near the Reichstag building and mere feet away from the wall, I bought the small, plastic box shown here, containing brightly coloured fragments of the infamous construct.

I’ve heard since that visit, that the only way to be sure of owning an actual piece of the wall was to hack some of it off yourself. Pick axes were available to hire at the site for that purpose, and indeed some of my friends tried that approach (with little luck).

So the question remains: although bought at the site, is this an actual piece of Berlin wall – or did some unscrupulous Capitalist scumbag spray some random concrete in lurid colours and pass it off to me as the genuine article?

What do you think?

Halloween Horror Fest: Blood and Honey

Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey (2023)

Yes, I couldn’t resist! Lured in by the novelty value of a Winnie the Pooh themed horror movie, I decided to give this bizarre mutation a viewing. The rights for Pooh Bear and his friends form the Hundred Acre Wood entered into the public domain in the USA recently, and these enterprising (or “deranged”) film-making fiends decided to revamp things a bit. Quite a bit, actually.

Having been abandoned by Christopher Robin when he grows up and leaves the wood, the remaining cuddly chums degenerate into psychopathic killers. The now adult Christopher Robin, with his fiancée, returns to the site of his youthful adventures and soon comes a cropper when he encounters the now feral Pooh and Piglet.

Things get worse when a group of female students, whilst renting a holiday cabin in the woods, also meet the murderous Pooh and Piglet – and the inevitable carnage ensues.

And that’s all you need to know, if you needed to know anything at all. One by one the characters are slaughtered as per the expected slasher movie routine – with plenty of gore, screaming and running about. To be fair, there are a few plot twists and some novel killing methods, and the lighting and colours look great on screen.

But the obvious fact that Pooh and Piglet are just blokes in masks makes the film look like a cheap Texas Chainsaw Massacre knock off. Despite an original and crazy concept, we’ve seen it all before. One to watch purely for the novelty value, Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey comes to a sticky end.

5/10

Christmas Tat 2023

This has become something of a seasonal tradition at the Virtual Hot Tub: a celebration of the gaudy and tasteless at Christmas. Yes, this year I present to you more kitsch Christmas baubles, at a time of year when we’re surrounded by tat.

First up this year, a jar of peanut butter. Crunchy, of course – we have none of that smooth filth in this house.

Secondly, my daughter’s bauble from her own Christmas tree – a snail with a shiny finish. When she was about four years old, my daughter had a pet snail in the back yard that she called Slow Tim. So here’s Slow Tim’s festive brother.

I hope you enjoy these Christmas tree decorations, they certainly amused me!

May I wish you all, the valued readers of Platinum Al’s Virtual Hot Tub, a wonderful Christmas and a very Happy New Year. Thanks to you all for reading this blog, coming back time after time – I couldn’t do it without you.

Christmas Tat 2022

This year has been sadly tat free, I’m afraid. The tat reserves appear to have run dry. Never mind, I pledge to you all now, that I’ll try harder to showcase more items of dubious quality in 2023.

For the moment, a couple of last minute additions to the Christmas bauble (or “ball ball”) collection. I wanted to get the hippo in a tutu from Asda, but it sold out. So instead, I present to you: a Christmas Barbecue and some Sushi.

I’ve pondered the joys of these kind of strange “festive” decorations in the past. This year, I’ll leave it you you, readers, to consider the relevance of these wondrous items to the season. I just hope you enjoy.

Finally, I’d like to wish all of the readers of Platinum Al’s Virtual Hot Tub a very Merry Christmas, and a happy and prosperous New Year. Thank you for reading and keeping the dream alive.

Christmas Tat 2021

In the continuing tradition of sharing some tacky Christmas baubles, here’s the single addition for 2021. Yes, just one new acquisition for the tree this year – I’ve really not seen as much silly, tacky nonsense on my limited travels recently. But fret not, this one’s a beauty!

Here we have a Christmas dinosaur: a bright blue triceratops adorned with sequins and jewels. What could be more festive than a dinosaur? Unless you’re an evolution denier, of course.

Whatever, I hope you like this latest addition to the Virtual Hot Tub Christmas tree.

Christmas dinosaur ball ball

And I’d also like to thank all the readers of my blog, the legendary Platinum Al’s Virtual Hot Tub for your continued support. Please keep reading and let me know what you want to see in the year ahead.

Merry Christmas to all, and a wonderful New Year!

Singles Night at the Virtual Hot Tub #20

Here we go with the first Singles Night of 2021! The Virtual Hot Tub is ecstatic with anticipation for the return of these playlists.

What’s it all about? Well, I’m glad you asked. The singles in question are 45rpm vinyl singles, which I have accumulated over time from various sources. The plan: listen to the records, side A then side B, one after the other without skipping any in the pile. Whilst drinking booze.

Let’s see how I got on this time…

  1. The Temptations – “Psychedelic Shack” / “That’s the Way Love Is”
  2. Queen – “Killer Queen” / “Flick of the Wrist”
  3. Buzzcocks – “I Don’t Mind” / “Autonomy”
  4. The Clash – “Bankrobber” / “Rockers Galore… UK Tour”
  5. The Clash – “Complete Control” / “City of the Dead”
  6. The Damned – “History of the World Part 1” / “I Believe the Impossible” / “Sugar & Spite”
  7. Skids – “Sweet Suburbia” / “Open Sound”
  8. The Beach Boys – “Mona” / “Rock and Roll Music” / “Sail on Sailor” / “Marcella”
  9. ABBA – “Head Over Heels” / “The Visitors”
  10. Bananarama – “Cheers Then” / “Girl About Town”
  11. The Belle Stars – “Sign of the Times” / “Madness”
  12. Chicory Tip – “Son of My Father” / “Pride Comes Before a Fall”
  13. John Farnham – “You’re the Voice” / “Going, Going, Gone”
  14. Stevie Wonder – “My Cherie Amour” / “Don’t Know Why I Love You”
  15. Bardo – “One Step Further” / “Lady of the Night”
  16. The Motors – “Love and Loneliness” / “Time for Make-Up”
  17. Hot Chocolate – “So You Win Again” / “A Part of Being with You”
  18. Elton John – “Goodbye Yellow Brick Road” / “Screw You”
  19. Blondie – “The Tide is High” / “Susie and Jeffrey”
  20. Slade – “We’ll Bring the House Down” / “Hold on to Your Hats”

Twenty – count ’em – twenty great tracks. Well, mostly. A solid offering from the world of punk rock in that collection, with the Buzzcocks, Clash, Damned and Skids singles all being salvaged from a local charity shop. Lucky day.

I had a great night spinning these discs, there are some really awesome records to add to the collection there. Time for more soon. Stay tuned!

Christmas Tat 2020

More bad taste baubles for your entertainment! Last year I displayed some of the wonderfully strange and tacky Christmas tree baubles that I’ve acquired. They can be found hanging from the branches of our festive tree. As I’ve added a couple more to the collection, I thought I’d share them here. for your enjoyment.

Now, something that has distressed me this year, whilst perusing the delights of Twitter, is people referring to these decorations as “ball balls” or even “baule baules”. I know, disgraceful isn’t it? No wonder we’re in the mess we’re in.

Anyway, I hope you like these ball balls, may they bring some yuletide cheer to what is a tough situation for us all.

Below you will see:

  1. A gherkin wearing a Christmas hat (or a pickle wearing a Christmas hat, if you prefer)
  2. A robot (note the clear plastic space helmet he’s wearing, just about visible)

And with that, all I can say is Merry Christmas to all of my readers. Enjoy this festive tat, and keep coming back to Platinum Al’s Virtual Hot Tub for more fun next year!

Christmas Tat 2019

And now for a visual feast of festive tat.  A collection of the odd and the bizarre, rendered in cheap plastic (or glass if you’re lucky).

You may have noticed that certain stores sell “wacky” Christmas baubles, gloriously garish and ridiculously random.  Not the traditional seasonal balls here – we’ve wandered into distinctly abstract territory.

Whilst the groovy shops sell the strange tree trinkets for a tenner, other, less glamorous emporiums are knocking them out for a couple of quid.  And bless ’em, these cheapo ones are usually even more ugly and weird.

Which is where I come in.  As a genuine aficionado of the kitsch Christmas, I have collected some of these decorations from various sources.  They are proudly displayed on our Christmas tree, and here I present them to you for your entertainment.

Enjoy these bad taste baubles, dear reader, and be inspired by the wondrous world of tat.

In the photos below you will see:

  • A taco
  • A guitar
  • A cupcake
  • Santa with a surfboard
  • A pizza slice
  • Some beer
  • Peppers and an ice cream
  • Another taco
  • A VW Beetle
  • A crown and a strawberry
  • A VW camper van with a Christmas tree
  • A crocodile in a UFO (my personal favourite)

 

I want a tattoo of the crocodile in a UFO – spectacular.

Hopefully you’ve enjoyed that trip into the low quality and down right strange.

I would like to wish all my readers a very Merry Christmas!  Thank you for reading Platinum Al’s Virtual Hot Tub, your support is always appreciated.

Tat Trek Update #8: Jo Guest Strip Pen

It’s been far too long since we last took a peep into the collection de tat at Platinum Al’s Virtual Hot Tub.  So lets examine another fine piece from the assembled items of dubious taste and quality which I humbly possess.  And this one is a beauty, make no mistake.

ITEM: Jo Guest Strip Pen

Description: one of those ink pens that feature a picture of a woman on the side, wearing a bikini.  The clothing “disappears” when tilted so that the lady is naked

Cost: Free with copy of Men’s World magazine

Bought: location n/a

Reason for buying: n/a

When I was about twelve, a friend of mine (who was a few years older) went to the seaside and was allowed to buy one of these “tip and strip” novelty pens.  I was thoroughly shocked by this.

Years later, a similar pen came into my possession.  This is the one featured here, which features images of lovely 90’s pin up/page three girl/nudey mag legend, Joanne Guest.

Jo was a popular glamour model in the mid 1990s, and regularly appeared in top-shelf magazine Men’s World.  This pen was a cover mounted free gift with a particular issue.  Of course, I didn’t buy the magazine (or any other, similar publications) – this item was given to me as a gift, honest.

It’s quite a neat little item to own.  Guesty looks very cute on the pen, even though the image is tiny.  The tip and strip action is still working well and the pen even writes.  Owning one of these pens would be an envious item in any stationery stockpile, the fact it’s glam queen Jo Guest emblazoned in all her (naked) glory makes it even more desirable.

I’ve censored Jo’s rudey bits in the above pic, as you can tell.

For anyone who has trouble remembering the 90s, on the right is a pic of Jo from back in the day to refresh your memory:

To see more from my tat collection, go to the right hand side menu and click on “Tat”.  Scroll through for the goodies.

Disclaimer: in no way does Platinum Als Virtual Hot Tub admit to owning, viewing or buying any gentlemen’s periodical/jazz mag.

Singles Night at the Virtual Hot Tub #4

Yes, it’s that time again – a playlist of 45rpm singles that have provided me with an evenings entertainment.

I have a stack of 7″ records that haven’t been listened and filed away yet.  So I spend a night listening to them, both sides, in order.

As you can imagine, there are some dodgy songs in amongst the good stuff.  And this week, there are some corkers.  However, the rules are: the songs MUST be listened to.  I own them, so I must be responsible!

Here’s the list:

  1. Joe Dolce – “Shaddap You Face” / “Ain’t No Hurry”
  2. Sinitta – “Shame Shame Shame” / “Maybe Someday”
  3. The Charlie Daniels Band – “The Devil Went Down to Georgia” / “Rainbow Ride”
  4. Rod Stewart – “Angel” / “What Made Milwaukee Famous (Has Made a Loser Out of Me)”
  5. Kate Bush – “Babooshka” / “Ran Tan Waltz”
  6. Tom Jones – “Help Yourself” / “Day by Day” / “Delilah” / “Smile”
  7. Bananarama – “Love in the First Degree” / “Mr Sleaze”
  8. The Timelords – “Doctorin’ the Tardis” / “Doctorin’ the Tardis”
  9. Pig Bag  – “Papa’s Got a Brand New Pigbag” / “The Backside”
  10. Blondie – “Union City Blue” / “Living in the Real World”
  11. The Sweet – “Hell Raiser” / “Burning”
  12. The Who – “I’m a Boy” / “In the City”
  13. Depeche Mode – “Enjoy the Silence” / “Memphisto”
  14. Free – “My Brother Jake” / “Only My Soul”
  15. Nazareth – “Love Hurts” / “This Flight Tonight” / “Broken Down Angel” / “Hair of the Dog”
  16. Lalo Schifrin – “Jaws” / “Quiet Village”
  17. Rainbow – “I Surrender” / “Vielleicht Das Nachster Zeit (Maybe Next Time)”